Private Number...Calling...

After a strenuous day of work, I crashed at 1am. Within moments, I heard my mobile phone rocking the whole room. Cursing my mobile as it made Susmita Sen disappear immediately in the fog, I slowly opened my eyes. I looked at my mobile and it said "Private Number...calling..." I saw my watch, it showed 3am. I thought it was only minutes since I had slept. With a completely sleepy tone even a baby could understand, I said "Hello-o-o-..." And the voice on the other end enthusiastically said "Hey Ramesh, it’s me Pujitha. I know you'd have reached by now. So, how was the journey?? How is US?!" I was totally perplexed and I slowly said "Excuse me?!" And the voice immediately said "Oops...I'm sorry, I must have got the wrong number!" and she hung up immediately.

I sighed heavily and went back to sleep, hoping I'll meet Susmita at the same place again. I didn't even tell her 'bye' before I left her last time. All because of this wrong number. Damn! I almost slept and the mobile rang again. I opened my eyes. I looked at my phone and it read a number from Chennai, India. Brushing away the thoughts it might be the same darn Pujitha, I picked the call and said "Hello". The voice said "Hi, it's me…the same person who called a couple of minutes ago. Listen…my brother has travelled to US for the first time. I got a little over-enthusiastic wanting to be the first person to call him after he lands there. Once I found it wasn't his voice, I hung up immediately. Then I realized I did not even say a 'sorry' to you. I'm really very sorry". I blinked twice. Susmita had gone beyond my reach now. I then said "Oh…k. I understand. And it's alright. If you may excuse me, I'll go sleep". And she said "Oh yeah sure. Sorry again” I said “I already said it’s alright” And she smiled and continued “My brother has gone to New York. Is that where you live too?" I had completely lost my sleep by now. I replied "Yup. I do. And if you don't know, it is 3.15am now and this is the time people normally sleep". I sounded a little harsh there. Maybe it triggered her. She said "Alright Mr.whatever. I just called to say a 'Sorry'. I'm aware it's time people sleep. And for all you know, it is sort of fun to wake somebody in the middle of the night. It indeed made me happy to have spoilt your sleep!" She hung up with a thud.

For a second, I wondered how crazy people can be. Then I went to bed. The next day, I was thinking about the call and Pujitha. It all appeared like a dream to me. I looked at my mobile and there the number was in the 'received calls' list. It wasn't a dream after all. Mid-day at work, an idea struck and I took my mobile to call Pujitha. I knew it would be 3am in Chennai. I went to the call history and called her. Somebody picked up and the voice was very much like what I thought I heard last night. I hurriedly said "Hola dear, where did you go? I have been trying to reach you all day. I miss you here so badly. Why don’t you come here? Trust me Sweta I really love you so much!" The voice in the other end slowly and sleep fully said "Sweta? Who do you think you are talking to? You must have got the wrong number". I viciously smiled at my own triumph. I then said "Oh yeah? Now I understand it is in fact fun to wake somebody in the middle of the night!" She understood. She said "Oh, it is you. I just can't believe somebody would do such a thing. You are insane!" She hung up immediately. Maybe she has the habit of not developing conversations with strangers. I walked towards my desk and continued my work. I somehow felt completely satisfied that day.

That night as I hit the bed, it occurred to me that she might call me in the middle of the night. She appeared to me like she belonged to the 'return-the-insult-promptly' cult. I set my alarm at 3am and I promptly woke up. I looked at my mobile. No missed calls. I waited for a min. Then two. Then five. No calls from her. I looked a little stupid to myself. Maybe I'm over-acting I thought. I should better sleep now I decided. I switched off my lights. And Alas! The phone rang. It read "private number...calling..." That brought a big smile on my face. 'Here we go' I said to myself. After making sure that my voice is not even close to sleepy, I picked up the call and said "Hello..." She sensed that I aint asleep. She said "Halo, you are not asleep?" The unexpectedness in her voice made me feel greatly victorious. I replied "No. Somehow I felt you'd call me back. I had set an alarm at 3am!" She did not show her reaction. I waited. She then she said "Ohhhh..ok. It actually irritates me a lot right now. But at the same time, I'm amazed people would be this crazy to even set an alarm and wake up in the night, just to prove a damn point!". She felt irritated. That made me all the more victorious and the whole situation sort of funny. I replied with a smile "Yup. And I'm equally amazed how women behave exactly as men expect them to!" She replied "You are absolutely stupid. Aren't you?" I said "Oh yeah, I become stupid in the middle of the nights here. What about you? You are crazy even in the day!" I heard her smile. We spoke for around 10 minutes. The conversation ended with "Take care, bye".

The next day, I called her at 3am Chennai time. And no prize for guessing - she was up. And we spoke for 20 minutes. And this continued for a week. Then we slowly changed our timing to something comfortable to both of us. And that continued for months. By then, we had liked each other. Then I travelled back to India for good. I met her. We both liked each other's by looks too. I asked her with a diamond ring in "Rang de Basanti" style and she nodded with smile. We got married the same month. Days after our wedding, one night I received a call in my mobile at 2am. We both were already tired because you-all-know-why. We were fast asleep. The mobile jerked me up. I got up and looked around. She wasn’t there next to me. The room looked a lot more familiar than I saw it before. I looked at my mobile.

The mobile read "Private number...calling..."

Somebody pls...

...translate Women for me!

Beat the heat to Heat the seat!

A weekend doesn't end with just three movies, does it? I had rented a Volkswagen Rabbit and drove to New york city to meet Amar. And this Rabbit treated me with far more than what I normally expect from rental cars. It had all-electronic controls, intelligent cruise, bose speakers among other features. And one feature that caught my attention was heated seats it had. Yeah, with the winter snow fall and sub-zero winds graciously showering their blessing all over, this heated seats came as a celestial solace. And it does feel awesomely good to be in the cold and get into the car and immediately feel that 'comfort' on a 'Hot seat'. Anybody who has spent winters in the west would know what I'm talking about. After a movie, myself and Amar were walking towards the car and it was frigging cold. I couldn't even feel my ears and every now and then, touched them to check if they are still there. As we approached the car, all I could think of “lets go heat the seat!”

Rewinding a little bit, I was at one of my colleague's wedding at Nagercoil in India a year and half ago. I had gone there with a few of my other colleagues and every one of them had been to foreign countries atleast once - I mean they all have tasted the sweet of the winter(either in Europe or in US). After the wedding, we thought we’ll go out somewhere and we utilized the “Maapilai'oda colleagues” privilege to have a Toyota Innova booked for us. After a visit to a waterfall called “Thiruparappu” falls, we reached another place called “Thotti paalam” (this one supposed to be the tallest bridge in Asia). Needless to say, by the time we reached the bridge, it was beyond noon and it was scorching mercilessly. After a brief walk on the bridge and a few photos later, most of us felt completely drained and tired. And a “thaatha” selling tender-coconut came as a salvage. The tender-coconuts were more like elixir and we all must have gulped down at least 2 or 3 rounds each. That's when one colleague said “what is this if it is not ‘beat the heat’ concept, huh?”. And after that, every time we had tender-coconut, we were referring to the ‘beat the heat’ concept, as if it is a technical jargon worth referring to or something.

And coming back to the present, myself and Amar got into the car and switched the heater ON. And I don’t know why, all of a sudden, it reminded me of the “Beat the Heat” tagline. And I found it insanely self-amusing, when I realized that “Beat the Heat” and “Heat the Seat” rhymes and in their own style gave me so much of soothe. I stupidly smiled to myself as I was driving towards home and told to myself that 'heat the seat' can be the tagline for now. And I heard in a few minutes, Amar shouting, “Alright, I guess we have burnt our ass enough. Lets reduce the heat now!”.

I saw a point and smiled at the human body, which could sustain nothing even slightly outside the radar of normalcy.

No country for old men...

...no movie for young men!

Again, thoo!

Vantage Point...

...no point.

Thoo!

Jodha Akbar...

...paatha sooper!

Hail Cloning!

Cloning is what I need to appreciate, embrace and live with. That is the only technology which would serve as an absolute salvage to human-kind. The immaculate re-creation of people without affecting the originals! And when I say cloning, I would want to clone anybody I want, just in a jiffy. Say for example, today I can have my 2nd std Math teacher cloned and be taught with counting of numbers up to 1000 and reciting tables from 1 to 10 (starting with 1 1's are 1, 1 2's are 2 and so on...). And then I can clone my first girl friend 'gf1' from my 3rd std and have her sit right next to me. This time, it is ok if she picks up a fight with me when I unknowingly enter her portion of the seat across the ‘marked_with_a_geometric_compass’ border. I can always get a Bangalore rose for her next day and say 'truce' like I did back then. And maybe I can have my 'moron_in_disguise' classmate called Yuvraj cloned and invite him to a game of 'book cricket' and beat him hands down. That would just be the answer to what he did to me back in 6th std. Then I would clone my next girl friend 'gf2' from 8th std. And this time, I would not shy away and smile like a loser, because she uttered my name once complaining to the teacher that I spoke a Tamil word in the English class. I would rather continue speaking in Tamil mentioning crap like human-rights, kabali’s ishtam and so on.

Then I would clone my next girl friend ‘gf3’ from higher secondary. And this time, I would let her be the topper. And I would vow not to tie her hair-plait with the next girl. After all, I wouldn’t want to get into “hair-like” problems. And maybe I would then clone my 'No_idiot_like_him_in_this_world' Vice principal from my college and just beat him up until he sees the entrance to hell, but not enter it. All that would be a fitting reply to his stupid tyranny. And then I would clone all my ex-girl friends from college 'gf4', 'gf5'...'gfn'. This time around, I would spend quality time with them and avoid most of my PJ’s. Then I would clone my other ex-girl friends from work ‘gfn+1’, ‘gfn+2’…’gfn+n’. This time, I would cautiously decrease the amount of time I spend with them and deliberately increase the number of my PJ’s. And to avoid ignorant partiality rooting from the third world, I would want to clone a few of my selected friends who made a difference in my life.

And finally, I would want all of the aforementioned people to appear when I need them. And 'ppppoooofffff' - they should go away when I don't need them.

Cloning is the salvage. Really!

I ask...

...all those guys who are sick and tired of girls who are sick and tired of guys to raise your hands...Girls, thinking something??

Now...

...I understand the thoughts of Mohan Bhargav from the movie 'Swades'.

Damn!

Ouchhh....

....goes me every 20 minutes as if there's a timed machine inside urging me to sneeze like hell. And I find it difficult to hold the nose onto myself. It does run like crazy. Then my temperature. That runs too. And who loaded my empty head with so much of heavy-weights? It is painful. And whenever there is a chance, my throat makes sure to cough enough to scratch itself. Damn! From the moment I climbed the escalator in Chennai airport, I have been missing home.

Now the pastas and sandwiches greet me at the cafeteria at work. The billing lady at the cafeteria asks me casually if I'm going out for my Valentine's Day dinner tonight. I say 'No'. She then doubtfully asks me if I have got a valentine. I still say 'No'. And she religiously advises me to get one soon. As if that’s the kind of advice I was looking for badly. Phew!

Right now, one wishes to be fed with Pepper Rasam mixed with love. Then be spoon-fed with a small dose of cough syrup. And be helped with the tablets and a glass of warm water. And then maybe a bed-time story to induce nice and easy sleep. And sense the temperature by hand-touching the neck.

One badly wishes for a Chennai ponnu!

Valentine's Day

= Vela-not-ine's day! (Jobless losers day!)

Somebody should have killed St.Valentine before he did some crap to create a day like this!

Visit to my school after 8 years!

This vacation has been terrific! I had a clear plan sketched out as to how my vacation in Chennai should be spent. Everything in my agenda including two weddings, one house-warming function, my mom's bday, trip to Tirupati , College friends get-together, School alumni meet and five of my final sem Master's exams went on quite well in the past two weeks!(Just that on the day before my last exam, there was a fire accident in the exam center and all exams were postponed for twenty days. Since I had to leave Chennai much earlier than that, this news came as a shocker. I hung myself upside down and made the univ consider mine as a special case and somehow, I was allotted a slot in one of the other centers and I completed all my exams!). One of the other items in the agenda was to pay a visit to my school and I did that today. The experience was simply fantastic!

I stepped into my school after 8 long years. The moment I stepped in the first sight of my school simply amused me. I was so happy to see those fresh faces on a monday morning in the school premises - some alighting from the school bus, some getting into the classrooms, some just running around aimlessly and some stepping aside for either not wearing complete uniform or not paying the fees on time. I then met my Principal, who became genuinely happy to meet an old student. An informal chat and a couple of photographs later, he said it would be really inspiring for the students, if I can address them. I readily accepted the offer and we went to the prayer assembly. That brought back a lot of nostalgic memories. When the School Pupil Leader initiated the prayer and as the prayer commenced, I couldn't resist myself from smiling, as I have said the same prayer for 12 long years. That was the first time I got an oppurunity to address such a big crowd and that too, without any preparation. I couldn't recollect exactly as to what all I spoke, but I mentioned about my experiences at school, my current position at work and how studies play a major role in people's career and life.

After the assembly, I met a few of my old teachers. They enquired about my well-being and we spoke about all those good-old days, when I used to be a little naughty when compared to my always_studious_hell_with_her elder sister. To be honest, I had a pretty tough time till she completed school as I was always compared with her to prove the world as to how good she was! And everytime she secured the first rank in her class or everytime I get caught for some mischief, it ended up with the same sort of a comparison and all I could was to just curse her! Those were really fun-filled days.

And as I prepared myself to leave, one student from 11th std came and said 'Hi' to me. I thoughtfully reciprocated as I couldn't recognise her. She said she remembered me and that she felt nice to see me again. She also said she was in her 2nd std when I passed out of school. I was totally surprised and wished her good luck for exams and her endavours.

Visiting school after years together is a completely inexplicable feeling and I would recommend all you readers to pay a visit to your schools to feel it, when you get a chance! It is best felt than expressed!

Schooling is something that happens once in a lifetime and that is the stage which tells you who you are and which decides what you will be no matter what you were before! I relish my school days!

Tirupati

Inspite of all the reverence, one finds the hyper-enthusiastic crowd of maniacs and the Business strategy of "Stagnate and increase the Queue/Crowd/Income" ridiculously unbearable!