Review of OMR - and a plausible solution!

I have reviewed quite a few subjects in this blog - movies, mobile phones, restaurants, etc. Now, for a change and to vent out big time (or just for the heck of it), I would like to write a review of a famed road in Chennai called OMR, expanded as Old Mahabalipuram Road or otherwise known as IT Expressway.

To begin with, the very fact of the road being called an Expressway is such an irony. It should rather be called a Suicide-way. The road is supposedly a toll road, but shows zero signs of being so. Out of the three lanes the road is designed for, two of them are taken at most places by shops and commuters waiting at bus stops. Motorists are left with just one lane and rarely two, which they fight for with their dear lives.

Government adds oil to the fire by placing barricades every few kilometers. Barricades, in my opinion are placed on roads to control over speeding. With a few million vehicles chugging along bumper to bumper in the rush hour traffic, those freaking barricades only add to the congestion. I can't fathom how difficult is for the Government to realize this simple fact. Least they could do is to remove the damn things and create a little more room in the road.

Two-wheelers, for their part, do their best to wreak havoc in their unique 'i-will-peek-my-nose-into-any-gap-I-see' strategy. And by gap, I mean little wedges that could start from anywhere around 0.5 mm. With all the powerful bikes people could afford, the road becomes nothing short of a race track or even worse, for some more like a road-rage video game.

Most bikers fail to realize what might happen if the truck/car they tail gate so closely attempt to brake. With the kind of brakes two wheelers have and with the very fact of it being a two-wheeler, the rider stands no chance but to rear end the vehicle in front of him and fall flat on the road. Most times while I drive in this road, in addition to fighting through the traffic, I take conscious attempts to save a life or two by keeping distances from such two-wheelers.

Next big things are the buses. When the two-wheelers attempt to maneuver through a gap, the buses follow them closely to try to do the same. What idiots. With their massive size and a masculine horn, they think they rule the road. At every signal light, they diligently drift towards the left and try to get as far as possible. Imagine a 100 buses doing this all at the same time. Rest of the vehicles do nothing but to save themselves from scratching against the sides of the bus or worse, get stuck under their wheels. Makes me think if most of such bus drivers have a license to kill from hell.

In addition, there are these annoying share autos who give a damn about traffic rules, signal lights or worse, the fact that their rear wheels need more room to enter than their front wheel (just like auto-rickshaws across the city). They ship about 20 people where there would be room for only about 7. In the midst of all these, there are call taxis, cycles, pedestrians, dogs, cows, all with one sole aim – to make driving experience a nightmare in this road.

But I’m not someone who just sits and complains. I have thought of a solution that can be a cure to all these problems. One solution that can put an end to all the ordeals that drivers face. I propose there be separate lanes for buses, cars, autos/bikes. More like how the Mount Road in Chennai has service lanes, but wider than that.

But that may just not be enough to keep Chennai drivers under leash. Government should have spikes installed along the white dotted lanes, thereby enforcing people to strictly follow lanes. One should not be able to change lanes without puncturing their own tyres. That’s the only way to stop people from wavering across lanes, thereby inculcating little bit of discipline and road sense in all OMR drivers.

Till something crazy like this is implemented, I’m afraid the road will remain a death trap for years to come, if not worse!

City of Mumbai – my first impressions!

After having lived for exactly a week in Mumbai, one lets go of the inertia to write the blogpost about one’s first experiences of the city. Though I got a mix of clearly stated warnings from a few people and exaggerated hype from the others before I moved in, I feel the city has a good combination of both!

My first impression on the city is how the rich and poor co-exist so beautifully. If I consider other cities, Chennai for example, you’ll never see a hut right next to a bungalow with a Volkswagen Passat. But in Mumbai, you see exactly that, over and over again. There could be a 25 storeybuilding with a few BMWs and Mercs parked inside, but they have to pass through the slum to get in to the building. Most high rise buildings have grand views of impoverished slums.

And it seems like a common situation to not have parking space in the building one resides in. I see Honda Accords and Toyota Corollas parked anadhaya on the roads in the night. Once again, this is something that startles a resident of Chennai, where even a Maruti 800 is ducked inside the compound wall through a gate meant for two-wheelers!

As the fiancé nicely puts it, the co-existence of rich and poor in the city gives the rich a humble approach to life and the poor a growing aspiration. Maybe she is right!

Next thing I observed is the traffic pattern. I hear Mumbai built over 50 flyovers in just 2 years early last decade. Talking about bridges/flyovers, there is one toll booth to get on the Vashi bridge that I take daily. Though the toll operation is completely manual, it is faster than even fully automated EZ Passes in the US. Cars here hardly stop at this toll, they just slow down and in one split second, the exchange of the money for the toll receipt happens and the cars speed away. I have tried both - giving the exact money or expecting change. It just works perfectly.

All one has to do is to stick one’s hands out to display the cash he is to pay while entering the toll. Rest is taken care of by the robotic arms of the toll booth guy (and the helper who stands outside, almost on the road). The transaction is complete before you know it! I just think it’s fantastic and silently wish tolls in OMR Chennai are at least half as fast!

And the traffic regulations implemented in the city are just awesome. Especially I love rules such as Auto-rickshaws not being allowed to certain parts of the city and two-wheelers not being allowed on certain freeways/flyovers. I think it greatly helps to organize the flow of traffic.

Maybe I drive against the traffic since we reside in South Bombay and I drive towards Navi Mumbai. But I think the traffic flow is slightly better than other cities in India. Also, I see far less two-wheelers in the city than other cities. I am still to find the probable reason for this.

Another thing I found very fascinating is the night life in the city. On weekdays, the city goes to sleep only after midnight and during weekendsI suspect the city never sleeps. Most high end restaurants are open till 1 or 2am and even malls are open till midnight. There was bumper to bumper traffic at 2am when we came home after a late night dinner at Colaba last Saturday. It only reminds me of life in NYC!

With the business centric minds of Mumbaiites, they go to a good extent to create value for customers in every single business avenue they venture into. Most shops deliver pretty much everything from breakfast dosas to vegetables to batteries to milk. People in general are very nice – be it while giving directions or while assisting in parking a car in the apartment. They are so nice that even terrible Hindi does not deter themfrom helping (yours truly’s first-hand experience!)

Just like every city, Mumbai might have its darker side and I’m probably not exposed to it yet. I truly wish impressions remain the same. And though it’s very early, except for some initial blues, I’m slowly starting to like the city. But will I ever get comfortable here to call this placeHome, only time will tell.

Rhetoric!

Though one tries hard not be rhetoric, the compulsion to write the initial thoughts on ever-changing Indian cities seems customary.

The puzzling look of a stranger on a sudden smile is priceless. So is the swerving auto-rickshaw that constantly plays ghost in my left rear view mirror. In a short moment, it gets replaced by a rider with a helmet. Before one could realize, he disappears too. He then appears right in front of my bumper, only to slow down, forcing me to apply my brakes. Chennai roads and the ditches!

I stop at a red light ahead of me. I look around to realize I was the only one to stop. Later, one more good samaritan stops. I was not sure if he stopped by his own will or as all Indians do, he likes to follow what others do. Eventually, all vehicles stop and in about 30 seconds, all I could see around me were a few million cars, billions of two-wheelers, trillions of auto-rickshaws and one bicycle (who by the way was happily balancing by placing his left hand on my rear window).

The countdown of the red light reaches 10 seconds and I hear the blaring horns already. I wonder if every single one of them were driving an ambulance in their past lives. An old guy in his TVS 50 tries so hard to honk at a car in front of him. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had a 1000CC engine and if he would reach 100kmph under 5 seconds. Only if the car in front of him had let him go. By the time I came back to reality, vehicles are inches apart, every one of them moving with a cohesive objective – to get past the signal light before it turns red again or maybe to catch the space shuttle that was leaving in 5 minutes beyond the signal light. Either way, the make sure they get the heck out of the traffic light.

As I shift gears and take off, rest of the vehicles fade in my rear view mirror and in one split second, I realize how much I belong here!

iSneeze, iTravel

Before I stepped into the meeting room at work, I put a gum into my mouth and sneeed four times. My colleague diligently kept saying 'bless ya' every single time I sneezed. It was not new to me. Once I'm done, he gave me a strange look and asked if I'm alright. I smiled and kept walking into the room.

Everytime I eat a gum (with mint flavor), I sneeze. I don't sneeze five times or three times. I sneeze exactly four times. I wonder if my body has a timer or something. And what is even more strange is when I see the sun in the mornings while going to work, I sneeze. I stop, sneeze four times and then get into the car. After four times, the sneeze stops abruptly as if its done for the day. I'm at a point where I consider this almost a ritual.

It is not just me who has strange mannerisms like these. There are things around me that are slightly weird too. When I unlock my work laptop in the mornings, I type Ctrl+Alt+Del exactly thrice before it wakes up. I have tried hitting Ctrl+Alt+Del twice and waiting for a few minutes. The laptop would not respond. For some reason likes to be hit thrice.

Even my iphone cranks up once in a while and when I receive a call, the sign 'slide to answer' will not respond no matter how much I slide (I have tried to slide like hell, with all fingers, even toes at times!). I need to slide slowly exactly four times before the call gets answered.

I have more rituals like these if you are interested. Every time I travel to India on vacation, I bring up the topic in any unrelated conversation (like this). And then once I reach India, as if its a birth right of every Indian who travels to India on vacation, I write about how much Chennai has changed in terms of lifestyle and how much the city has not changed in terms of climate and traffic. I consider that sinful if I don't write my thoughts on India every two years (if not lesser). Its all part of my rituals.

But then you may ask what exactly is the point of this post besides my sneezing habits and intimating people of my India trip. There is none.

When has there been a point while one writes a blogpost anyways?!

Chennai...

...is HOT!!

It is so cool!

Philadelphia to Chennai in 42 mins!!

History channel says if a tunnel is drilled through the centre of the Earth to reach the other side of the earth and if I utilize nothing but gravity to travel thru the tunnel, I'd reach the other side in just 42 mins.

I can commute to work from Chennai to Philadelphia daily.

That'd be cool!

[P.S : Just saw this : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravity_train]

Barbarians...

When we want to communicate something, we close the shops and block the buses. We also black out cable TV channels and ransack restaurants. We don't mind if in the process we hurt/injure innocent people. This is how we revolt. We don't think twice before doing activities like these. We even don't care if we are fighting with a neighboring state. All we want is violence. We strongly beleive that would solve the problem.

Because we are all uncivilized barbarians. We ought to be living with Neanderthals and while our day away hunting Mammoths.

Signed:
Rioters - where there is a problem we are there!

Private Number...Calling...

After a strenuous day of work, I crashed at 1am. Within moments, I heard my mobile phone rocking the whole room. Cursing my mobile as it made Susmita Sen disappear immediately in the fog, I slowly opened my eyes. I looked at my mobile and it said "Private Number...calling..." I saw my watch, it showed 3am. I thought it was only minutes since I had slept. With a completely sleepy tone even a baby could understand, I said "Hello-o-o-..." And the voice on the other end enthusiastically said "Hey Ramesh, it’s me Pujitha. I know you'd have reached by now. So, how was the journey?? How is US?!" I was totally perplexed and I slowly said "Excuse me?!" And the voice immediately said "Oops...I'm sorry, I must have got the wrong number!" and she hung up immediately.

I sighed heavily and went back to sleep, hoping I'll meet Susmita at the same place again. I didn't even tell her 'bye' before I left her last time. All because of this wrong number. Damn! I almost slept and the mobile rang again. I opened my eyes. I looked at my phone and it read a number from Chennai, India. Brushing away the thoughts it might be the same darn Pujitha, I picked the call and said "Hello". The voice said "Hi, it's me…the same person who called a couple of minutes ago. Listen…my brother has travelled to US for the first time. I got a little over-enthusiastic wanting to be the first person to call him after he lands there. Once I found it wasn't his voice, I hung up immediately. Then I realized I did not even say a 'sorry' to you. I'm really very sorry". I blinked twice. Susmita had gone beyond my reach now. I then said "Oh…k. I understand. And it's alright. If you may excuse me, I'll go sleep". And she said "Oh yeah sure. Sorry again” I said “I already said it’s alright” And she smiled and continued “My brother has gone to New York. Is that where you live too?" I had completely lost my sleep by now. I replied "Yup. I do. And if you don't know, it is 3.15am now and this is the time people normally sleep". I sounded a little harsh there. Maybe it triggered her. She said "Alright Mr.whatever. I just called to say a 'Sorry'. I'm aware it's time people sleep. And for all you know, it is sort of fun to wake somebody in the middle of the night. It indeed made me happy to have spoilt your sleep!" She hung up with a thud.

For a second, I wondered how crazy people can be. Then I went to bed. The next day, I was thinking about the call and Pujitha. It all appeared like a dream to me. I looked at my mobile and there the number was in the 'received calls' list. It wasn't a dream after all. Mid-day at work, an idea struck and I took my mobile to call Pujitha. I knew it would be 3am in Chennai. I went to the call history and called her. Somebody picked up and the voice was very much like what I thought I heard last night. I hurriedly said "Hola dear, where did you go? I have been trying to reach you all day. I miss you here so badly. Why don’t you come here? Trust me Sweta I really love you so much!" The voice in the other end slowly and sleep fully said "Sweta? Who do you think you are talking to? You must have got the wrong number". I viciously smiled at my own triumph. I then said "Oh yeah? Now I understand it is in fact fun to wake somebody in the middle of the night!" She understood. She said "Oh, it is you. I just can't believe somebody would do such a thing. You are insane!" She hung up immediately. Maybe she has the habit of not developing conversations with strangers. I walked towards my desk and continued my work. I somehow felt completely satisfied that day.

That night as I hit the bed, it occurred to me that she might call me in the middle of the night. She appeared to me like she belonged to the 'return-the-insult-promptly' cult. I set my alarm at 3am and I promptly woke up. I looked at my mobile. No missed calls. I waited for a min. Then two. Then five. No calls from her. I looked a little stupid to myself. Maybe I'm over-acting I thought. I should better sleep now I decided. I switched off my lights. And Alas! The phone rang. It read "private number...calling..." That brought a big smile on my face. 'Here we go' I said to myself. After making sure that my voice is not even close to sleepy, I picked up the call and said "Hello..." She sensed that I aint asleep. She said "Halo, you are not asleep?" The unexpectedness in her voice made me feel greatly victorious. I replied "No. Somehow I felt you'd call me back. I had set an alarm at 3am!" She did not show her reaction. I waited. She then she said "Ohhhh..ok. It actually irritates me a lot right now. But at the same time, I'm amazed people would be this crazy to even set an alarm and wake up in the night, just to prove a damn point!". She felt irritated. That made me all the more victorious and the whole situation sort of funny. I replied with a smile "Yup. And I'm equally amazed how women behave exactly as men expect them to!" She replied "You are absolutely stupid. Aren't you?" I said "Oh yeah, I become stupid in the middle of the nights here. What about you? You are crazy even in the day!" I heard her smile. We spoke for around 10 minutes. The conversation ended with "Take care, bye".

The next day, I called her at 3am Chennai time. And no prize for guessing - she was up. And we spoke for 20 minutes. And this continued for a week. Then we slowly changed our timing to something comfortable to both of us. And that continued for months. By then, we had liked each other. Then I travelled back to India for good. I met her. We both liked each other's by looks too. I asked her with a diamond ring in "Rang de Basanti" style and she nodded with smile. We got married the same month. Days after our wedding, one night I received a call in my mobile at 2am. We both were already tired because you-all-know-why. We were fast asleep. The mobile jerked me up. I got up and looked around. She wasn’t there next to me. The room looked a lot more familiar than I saw it before. I looked at my mobile.

The mobile read "Private number...calling..."

Ouchhh....

....goes me every 20 minutes as if there's a timed machine inside urging me to sneeze like hell. And I find it difficult to hold the nose onto myself. It does run like crazy. Then my temperature. That runs too. And who loaded my empty head with so much of heavy-weights? It is painful. And whenever there is a chance, my throat makes sure to cough enough to scratch itself. Damn! From the moment I climbed the escalator in Chennai airport, I have been missing home.

Now the pastas and sandwiches greet me at the cafeteria at work. The billing lady at the cafeteria asks me casually if I'm going out for my Valentine's Day dinner tonight. I say 'No'. She then doubtfully asks me if I have got a valentine. I still say 'No'. And she religiously advises me to get one soon. As if that’s the kind of advice I was looking for badly. Phew!

Right now, one wishes to be fed with Pepper Rasam mixed with love. Then be spoon-fed with a small dose of cough syrup. And be helped with the tablets and a glass of warm water. And then maybe a bed-time story to induce nice and easy sleep. And sense the temperature by hand-touching the neck.

One badly wishes for a Chennai ponnu!

Visit to my school after 8 years!

This vacation has been terrific! I had a clear plan sketched out as to how my vacation in Chennai should be spent. Everything in my agenda including two weddings, one house-warming function, my mom's bday, trip to Tirupati , College friends get-together, School alumni meet and five of my final sem Master's exams went on quite well in the past two weeks!(Just that on the day before my last exam, there was a fire accident in the exam center and all exams were postponed for twenty days. Since I had to leave Chennai much earlier than that, this news came as a shocker. I hung myself upside down and made the univ consider mine as a special case and somehow, I was allotted a slot in one of the other centers and I completed all my exams!). One of the other items in the agenda was to pay a visit to my school and I did that today. The experience was simply fantastic!

I stepped into my school after 8 long years. The moment I stepped in the first sight of my school simply amused me. I was so happy to see those fresh faces on a monday morning in the school premises - some alighting from the school bus, some getting into the classrooms, some just running around aimlessly and some stepping aside for either not wearing complete uniform or not paying the fees on time. I then met my Principal, who became genuinely happy to meet an old student. An informal chat and a couple of photographs later, he said it would be really inspiring for the students, if I can address them. I readily accepted the offer and we went to the prayer assembly. That brought back a lot of nostalgic memories. When the School Pupil Leader initiated the prayer and as the prayer commenced, I couldn't resist myself from smiling, as I have said the same prayer for 12 long years. That was the first time I got an oppurunity to address such a big crowd and that too, without any preparation. I couldn't recollect exactly as to what all I spoke, but I mentioned about my experiences at school, my current position at work and how studies play a major role in people's career and life.

After the assembly, I met a few of my old teachers. They enquired about my well-being and we spoke about all those good-old days, when I used to be a little naughty when compared to my always_studious_hell_with_her elder sister. To be honest, I had a pretty tough time till she completed school as I was always compared with her to prove the world as to how good she was! And everytime she secured the first rank in her class or everytime I get caught for some mischief, it ended up with the same sort of a comparison and all I could was to just curse her! Those were really fun-filled days.

And as I prepared myself to leave, one student from 11th std came and said 'Hi' to me. I thoughtfully reciprocated as I couldn't recognise her. She said she remembered me and that she felt nice to see me again. She also said she was in her 2nd std when I passed out of school. I was totally surprised and wished her good luck for exams and her endavours.

Visiting school after years together is a completely inexplicable feeling and I would recommend all you readers to pay a visit to your schools to feel it, when you get a chance! It is best felt than expressed!

Schooling is something that happens once in a lifetime and that is the stage which tells you who you are and which decides what you will be no matter what you were before! I relish my school days!

My eye on Chennai...

A few immediate thoughts that pealed my mind, as I strolled around the city:

1. I love all the one-ways that has been newly introduced.

2. The first sight of G.N.Chetty road devoid of trees, wriggled my heart. G.N.Chetty road looks many times pathetic than I saw in Newspapers (One of my friends KK told me that over 130 trees were cut - shit!). I only hope that this appearance would turn into neat flyovers soon, paying a decent homage to all the trees. (As of now, I'm trying to avoid G.N.Chetty, one of my fav roads in Chennai and using alternate routes)

3. The AC MTC Volvo bus looks cool - the driver sporting whites and cap, comfy seats, low-floor entry, L.E.D display and pick-up equivalent to a car. More of such luxury buses are being introduced in the city. But I was told that a lot of local bus services (with cheaper fares) are being stopped, inducing inconvenience to many people who can't afford. That is totally unfair.

4. And finally, I want to nuke all the auto-rickshaws. They really drive in "cycle-gap".

Heights of desperation!!

I recollect the other day, when I was driving towards Chennai from Pondicherry (100 miles south of Chennai) after attending one of my friend's wedding. It was May and a little earlier than peak noon. And that is the period Chennai would try its level-best to beat any of the blistering cities and try to claim herself as the "hottest city in the world". And it appeared to me, as if she almost won that day. Thanks to the AC in my car, else I would have to squeeze my little brain to recollect whatever we call as "Pleasure of driving!" The tarmac on the coastal road was literally boiling, burning my tires and persistently keeping my urge for a sip of tender-coconut on the crescendo. Just then, I passed (or rather overtook) a crawling Pulsar motor-bike (one of the so-called ‘powerful’ bikes in India) and the guy, who rode was making not more than 30 kph. I wondered for a second, why would a guy ride so slow in the scorching weather, that too in the freeway with sparse vehicle flow. And then I saw thru my rear-view mirror that he had a girl in the pillion, both of whose hands were almost touching the handle-bar of the bike, creating a temporary illusion of four hands driving the bike. I realized she must be hanging onto him like a lizard on the wall, leaving enough space behind her to take one more person (which created an illusion as a single-rider bike, a few seconds earlier before I overtook them!). And her dupatta was not seen at the normal place as well, I mean it did not server as a burka. It remained, where it is supposed to.

They must have been discussing something very significant about Global warming or their immediate future or something of pressing importance. Whatever. But it takes a lot to enjoy such a drive. And they were completely oblivious of the physical fact about the increase in the heat generated, when two materials fray in prolonging. I completely understand if it was North-American autumn/fall where that sort of a rub could get the warmth, for both the mind and the body. But this one in Chennai summer…

What else can I call that than "Heights of desperation"!

And a few minutes later when I stopped for my favorite tender-coconut, I saw the same motor-bike yet another time. It was more like déjà vu, for they remained the same and so did my thoughts about them!

Me, my smile and girls...

Now that my previous post was on Christmas and my wedding, Venky asked me if my next post would be on New year and my divorce! Ohh, Divorce has become a sequence to marriage, just like New year to christmas. That appears funny to me, but what is bothering me right now is the following:

I have always wanted to ask, why don't these "chennai-girls-at-a-foreign-country" remove the crowns off their head? Maybe they have an orotund feeling that they are a couple of notches more beautiful than Aishwarya Rai... Or maybe they think they have some sort of a 'halo' around their head...And that too, when you happen to pass by them and God forbid, you offer a smile as a courtesy, they don't return your smile and instead give that "Don't look at me!" kind of a weird look.

Though they clothe jean or formal-suits or any of those "I-think-I'll-look-good-on-this" attires that they haven't even thought of at home, they forget to realise they are still the same "Churidhar_wearing_vethu_figure" inside.

I can only pity them!