Monday, June 30, 2008

Tirupati... totally f*cked up.

People are too civilised to be part of crowds. It may not be too long before Lord Balaji moves His hands from 'blessing' pose to His forehead, unable to witness the commotion.

Purpose of the visit gets defeated, when one gives the heaviest sigh of the lifetime on exiting the temple!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Chennai... HOT!!

It is so cool!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Me, the Sleep and the Kaapi...

I, belonging to the cult with the motto "Do nothing if it affects sleep even remotely", find it surprisingly weird that I'm attending the work-conference calls at 6.30 in the morning for the past 2 weeks consistently. Very much unlike me. And I have this habit of doing 99% of activities involuntarily in the first 20 minutes after I wake up in the morning. I call it the ’20-min-zone’. Most of the times I would wonder if I brushed that day, but I'd console myself with the assumption that I should have done that in the '20-min-zone'. At times when I brush in the nights, I'd say to myself 'Oh this is how brushing might feel like in the mornings too!' Aamir khan stole the idea and used it in TZP when Ishanth does a sleep-walk to the bathroom and brush. But that’s not the point. The point is the conference call. And most of the days, I attend the meeting in the cozy confines of the comforter. Half-asleep.

Having found that talking impedes sleep, I try to remain as silent a spectator as possible in the call, but folks offshore are smart bums. In the midst of conversations that might put one to sleep even after a strong filter kaapi (let alone half-asleep guy inside the comforter), one of the smarty-pants would suddenly say "Let's hear what Arun has to say!" The dude would make it seem a casual sentence, as if he didn’t sense that I'm dozing off. Me, being the sleepy head would wait for a second or two and see if somebody repeats the question. If not, I'd slightly recompose, clear the throat and ask slowly "What??" If no luck there, I pause and then continue "The phone line is a little noisy. Can somebody repeat the question please?!" The warriors there would feel triumphant that they succeeded in their mission. This has become a daily happening. Almost.

One dull morning, I was woken up earlier than usual by such an offshore call and the '20-min' zone prolonged longer than anticipated. I reach work at 8am and somehow I have this doubt whether the '20-min' is accompanying me at work that day. Or maybe it changed to '200-min' zone. I resort to a large kaapi, for it’s the only fight I can give against these zones. I go to the cafeteria, grab a large kaapi and walk back to my desk. With random thoughts, I open my draw and before I could realize what I did, I saw hot kaapi flowing like a river all over my desk. I actually should appreciate my dumb presence of mind. I kept looking at the flow and wondering at how it started dripping to the floor from the edges. The iPhone, which I had kept at the desk minutes ago, looked at me glowingly. "Shit!" I cursed. The iPhone swiftly went into my trouser pocket. Then I see the Kaapi River moving north. One more "shit" and I lift the laptop and carry it to the other end of the table.

I look back and I saw beautiful kaapi dot patterns. I admire them for a second and I suddenly realize the dots were formed by the kaapi droplets from the laptop. I lift the laptop and see liquid smudges of kaapi. A third loud "Shit!" followed and I ran to the pantry for paper towels. For the first time, the laptop must have wished it had diapers. In less than 15 seconds, I switched the power off, cleaned the laptop and heaved a sigh. Before I could complete the sigh, the landline phone inundated with kaapi caught my attention. Looking at the sight, I truly wished all the electronics of mine had diapers. It took over 10 minutes and 4 trips to the pantry to clean the mess in my desk. The large cup with no kaapi still stood in my desk like an achiever, conveying its power.

Did not need caffeine that day. I was automatically thrown out of sleep zone. And anything in my desk had this sweet aroma of kaapi. The phone, cables, pen, mug - it all smelled caffeine. After a while, I got used to it, but I was able to hear people sniffing their nose hard while passing my cube. In the evening, I waited till the cleaning lady came and I told her the kaapi episode. She assured it'll all be clean the next day. Day 2, I stepped in and I almost turned into a sniffer. After all, it wasn't that bad. I bend down the desk to plug my laptop cable to the power outlet. There you go. A stinker of 2-day old stale kaapi hit me hard. Real hard. I jerked from under the desk blowing my nose like a rocket. Decided I would never bend under the desk for some days now.

And today, I surpass one week after this kaapi episode. I tell my mom and she smilingly says "You always do that!! When you were a kid, you never missed to trip and pour the chutney or the water-glass in restaurants. And no wonder it continues !!"

From the collective experience, though I initially thought to blame it all on the sleep, I understand it is an inherent quality one is born with.

And by the way, did anyone know that kaapi is like wine? It actually gets stronger with time. If any of you have doubts in that, I'd invite you for a quick tour of "Journey under the desk" here at my workplace. Introductory offer. First 10 lucky customers get a ride absolutely free!

Sunday, June 15, 2008



A 15-minute skit would suffice to showcase Kamal's talent. Not a 3-hour movie with blatant Idiotism. Maybe there is an untold notion that a movie will become successful if there is a great guy who is cast in 10 different roles. And that too, just for heck of it. And with some stupid storyline.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

The Happening...

Except for a few horrifying scenes which were funny and a few funny scenes which were horrifying, the movie was good.

Definitely better than the reviews in the dailies! And by the way, who said 'Night Shyamalan' has gone bad?!

Thursday, June 12, 2008


...somebody write a review soon. I want to hear how good it is.

Or how bad.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Kabali's research..

Kabali wonders what would be the terminal velocity of one's piddle. Considering the fact that the pee in itself has got no velocity, it obviously lacks self-driving-momentum and falls to the ground solely due to gravity. And for the same reason, one's pee doesn't have a horizontal trajectory, but a half-parabolic one(mostly), aimed towards the ground. It's only the pressure that one gives that drives the pee. When pee'd with control, a drop of pee would reach the ground slower than the flow. It's like opening a tap faster or slower to let water into a kitchen sink.

Calculating the velocity may not be the toughest process, but the experiment itself might be. For eg., We can have X pee from the top of a 10-storied building and calculate the time taken for the first droplet to hit the ground. But not that straight forward. We should also consider the stock X is left with, X's urge to pee, the pressure X exerts and ofcourse, the environmental influence.

Complicated calculation, kabali reckons!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

A Simple Tale - contd!

Continued from here.

The evening quickly passes. Party ends. Everybody leaves. It is just the two of us now.

My jubilance is unfathomable even to describe in words. I look at the epitome of beauty in her. I wonder if I would need anything else at all from this world. I float in the happiness I have never rejoiced before. A satisfaction I have never felt before. A feel of fulfillment that I have never beleived in. I was going to say something and she starts. She looks a little serious though. I couldn’t make anything out of that look of hers. I get a weird feeling and I ask her if everything’s ok. She suddenly spurts out with all seriousness “What the hell did you think you did today?” With all shock and dismay I ask “what?” I was totally flabbergasted for a moment at her display of anger and her raging countenance. I thought I did something that’s the best I have ever done in my entire life. She continues “You were so confident that I’d agree if you propose in front of everybody, didn’t you?” That left me totally confounded. I thought it all had a happy ending. I pitch in, “Hey, no Priya. It’s not what you think. I have been thinking about this for long and thought I couldn’t find a better day for this than your birthday”. She retaliates, “Don’t be stupid. Do you even have any idea of how embarrassing it was for me? Had it not been you, I’d have said something harsh that the guy would never forget in his life”. She wasn’t aware she told something harsh right then that I can never forget in my life.

I try to keep my heart-rate under control that was already pacing alarmingly for the second time in the day. I compose myself and take my time. I conceive and try to accept the fact as-is. Gaining equanimity, I slowly tell her “Ok Priya. I’m sorry. Maybe I should have discussed with you once in private before doing such a thing” She fires back “What are you sorry for? No point in saying sorry. I cannot believe you did such a thing to me. I thought we were the best friends God has ever created in this planet” I should say it is all too much to hear for me. I don’t have the brain-power to ask her any questions or to agree to what she says. All said and done, she is definitely not happy with what I did. I screwed up big time. That pains. I say “Sorry again Priya” I turn around and walk towards the door.

I would accept if it was anybody else. But not my Priya, I tell myself. I thought I knew and understood her totally. 5 years is still not enough to understand women, I cursed. I honestly thought she liked me too. I never expected her to hit me back this way. Thoughts were raping me mercilessly. Trying hard to keep myself composed, I walk towards my car. I open the car door. And there was a heavy roar of laughter from behind the car. Completely confused, I look beyond the car. There were 5 of Priya’s friends totally laughing out of control. They walk towards me and say almost in unison “Sorry again Priya!” in the tone I just talked to Priya and continue their laughter. As confused as I was, I turn back and I see Priya standing there near the door. She smiles and slowly walks towards me. And she says, ‘Sorry da. You gave me the biggest surprise of my life time during the party. I have never been so happy in my life and I would cherish that moment like a treasure. But then, I wanted to give you a similar unforgettable feeling too. I was discussing with my friends and they gave me this stupid idea. Initially, I wasn’t ok with making you feel bad, but later I thought if I don’t play with you, who else would?!” And she stops. Maybe she expects me to say something.

I take a deep breathe. I see myself being in a state where beleiving anything anymore is a little hard. I for sure know that I can’t take any more emotional roller-coaster ride in a single day. So I slowly start to speak and she immediately interjects “And I love you a lot!”. That apparently brings a blushing smile on to my face. Posing a false anger, I say “Naotanki Saali”(Drama queen) as I usually do and walk inside together with smile on both our faces. As we walk in, I also tell her "And you better get rid of such friends!" And she laughs out. I felt the best moments in my life, twice in a single day.

Not many are as luck as I am!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

A Simple Tale!

6pm. It is a little late. I know I should be there by then. Damn these signal lights. I hate being late. Everybody would have come. Priya would be expecting me. The light turned green. I press the pedal a little hard. In exactly 5 minutes, I pull over her driveway. I carefully carry the big gift box and walk towards the door. I casually straighten the tucked shirt in. I normally don't tuck shirts for birthday parties, but she likes me this way. I press the door bell. A cute little girl comes and opens the door. I smile at her and step in. I see a decent crowd of people, most of them happy and with glasses in their hands. My eyes casually scan the room for Priya. I see her with her friends on the other side of the room. The room dazzles with her beauty. A nice large cake poses itself right in front of her.

She looks at me and lifts her hands with heavy, yet controlled enthusiasm. I reciprocate and wink. She offers an inviting smile. I slowly walk towards her. I near her and greet with genuine happiness “Happy Birthday Priya!” The most impatient and a naughty creature she is, she immediately asks me what present did I get her. I smile, extend a handshake, a pound hug and give her the present. Opening the gift wrap with bright eyes, she curiously asks “Should I guess?” I say “You may…” And she goes mixed with laughter “Is it the iPod touch I have been asking for long?” I smile. And I casually deny. She continues opening the box. Then she asks “Is it a book or something?” I said “Hmmmm…No”. She then suddenly exclaims “Oh my God! I got it! It should be the Kindle!” I said with a smile, “Nope. Not even close!” She is out of options already. She thoughtfully opens the box and finds a smaller box inside. She takes the box in her hands and looks at me doubtfully. As she examines the box, I swiftly grab it from her hands. By now, almost every eye in the party is on us. I slowly make my move. I open the box, kneel and say “I love you Priya. I would like to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?!”

The room is drop-dead silent. She keeps looking at me. I try to keep my cool in spite of my heart thumping like a thousand drums. Everything freezes for those few seconds. I look at her with all the love in this world. She takes her time. A moment later, she slowly smiles, nods and extends her arms towards mine. She keeps looking at my eyes. I can never forget that wonderful moment. Everything else in this world seemed nothing. After 5 years of friendship, I never thought I’ll do this to her. Her parents have been talking about her wedding for 6 months now. I was not ok with that. Involuntarily, my mind started praying her parents shouldn’t find the right guy for her. Strangely enough, I later found something telling me that maybe I was the guy. After swallowing such thoughts for long enough now and having reached a point where I could no longer handle, I wanted to make it clear this day. And that’s why this whole proposal episode; that too, on her birthday. And as surprising as it was for me, she agrees. By nodding her head, in one second, she made the whole universe seem miniscule.

The evening quickly passes. Party ends. Everybody leaves. It is just the two of us now....

Continued here

Monday, June 2, 2008


One finds it agonizingly distressing to refrain from willingly yielding to the worldly enticement. In spite of all the topical luxury, one incessantly languishes for the deficient. Then tardily tries to distract the desire and the mind, attempting to convince oneself that the current content exceeds the need. Nevertheless, one expectedly fails. And yields to the enticement. And gets the iPhone.

Life is just beautiful!