Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Me, the Sleep and the Kaapi...

I, belonging to the cult with the motto "Do nothing if it affects sleep even remotely", find it surprisingly weird that I'm attending the work-conference calls at 6.30 in the morning for the past 2 weeks consistently. Very much unlike me. And I have this habit of doing 99% of activities involuntarily in the first 20 minutes after I wake up in the morning. I call it the ’20-min-zone’. Most of the times I would wonder if I brushed that day, but I'd console myself with the assumption that I should have done that in the '20-min-zone'. At times when I brush in the nights, I'd say to myself 'Oh this is how brushing might feel like in the mornings too!' Aamir khan stole the idea and used it in TZP when Ishanth does a sleep-walk to the bathroom and brush. But that’s not the point. The point is the conference call. And most of the days, I attend the meeting in the cozy confines of the comforter. Half-asleep.

Having found that talking impedes sleep, I try to remain as silent a spectator as possible in the call, but folks offshore are smart bums. In the midst of conversations that might put one to sleep even after a strong filter kaapi (let alone half-asleep guy inside the comforter), one of the smarty-pants would suddenly say "Let's hear what Arun has to say!" The dude would make it seem a casual sentence, as if he didn’t sense that I'm dozing off. Me, being the sleepy head would wait for a second or two and see if somebody repeats the question. If not, I'd slightly recompose, clear the throat and ask slowly "What??" If no luck there, I pause and then continue "The phone line is a little noisy. Can somebody repeat the question please?!" The warriors there would feel triumphant that they succeeded in their mission. This has become a daily happening. Almost.

One dull morning, I was woken up earlier than usual by such an offshore call and the '20-min' zone prolonged longer than anticipated. I reach work at 8am and somehow I have this doubt whether the '20-min' is accompanying me at work that day. Or maybe it changed to '200-min' zone. I resort to a large kaapi, for it’s the only fight I can give against these zones. I go to the cafeteria, grab a large kaapi and walk back to my desk. With random thoughts, I open my draw and before I could realize what I did, I saw hot kaapi flowing like a river all over my desk. I actually should appreciate my dumb presence of mind. I kept looking at the flow and wondering at how it started dripping to the floor from the edges. The iPhone, which I had kept at the desk minutes ago, looked at me glowingly. "Shit!" I cursed. The iPhone swiftly went into my trouser pocket. Then I see the Kaapi River moving north. One more "shit" and I lift the laptop and carry it to the other end of the table.

I look back and I saw beautiful kaapi dot patterns. I admire them for a second and I suddenly realize the dots were formed by the kaapi droplets from the laptop. I lift the laptop and see liquid smudges of kaapi. A third loud "Shit!" followed and I ran to the pantry for paper towels. For the first time, the laptop must have wished it had diapers. In less than 15 seconds, I switched the power off, cleaned the laptop and heaved a sigh. Before I could complete the sigh, the landline phone inundated with kaapi caught my attention. Looking at the sight, I truly wished all the electronics of mine had diapers. It took over 10 minutes and 4 trips to the pantry to clean the mess in my desk. The large cup with no kaapi still stood in my desk like an achiever, conveying its power.

Did not need caffeine that day. I was automatically thrown out of sleep zone. And anything in my desk had this sweet aroma of kaapi. The phone, cables, pen, mug - it all smelled caffeine. After a while, I got used to it, but I was able to hear people sniffing their nose hard while passing my cube. In the evening, I waited till the cleaning lady came and I told her the kaapi episode. She assured it'll all be clean the next day. Day 2, I stepped in and I almost turned into a sniffer. After all, it wasn't that bad. I bend down the desk to plug my laptop cable to the power outlet. There you go. A stinker of 2-day old stale kaapi hit me hard. Real hard. I jerked from under the desk blowing my nose like a rocket. Decided I would never bend under the desk for some days now.

And today, I surpass one week after this kaapi episode. I tell my mom and she smilingly says "You always do that!! When you were a kid, you never missed to trip and pour the chutney or the water-glass in restaurants. And no wonder it continues !!"

From the collective experience, though I initially thought to blame it all on the sleep, I understand it is an inherent quality one is born with.

And by the way, did anyone know that kaapi is like wine? It actually gets stronger with time. If any of you have doubts in that, I'd invite you for a quick tour of "Journey under the desk" here at my workplace. Introductory offer. First 10 lucky customers get a ride absolutely free!

26 comments:

Gayatri said...

dharaala prabhu! Edhakku dhaan early bird offer nu oru vevasthaye illama pochu :p

maxdavinci said...

My so-called-frnd once spilled sooda sooda kaapi on my lappie, I tried cleaning it but it had gone between the keys.

After a barrage of gaali-giving and rubbing the saccharine of the keys it worked somehow. But the keys were sticky and my Tab,Caps, Tild, F1, F2, F3, LShift, LCtrl and Q were'nt responding.

I ordered a new keypad, but was too lazy to change it. Too ak wek to arrive and 3 weeks for me to replace it. I still can't imagine how I survived for 4 weeks without having to type the letter 'Q'. Being tab-handicapped was a pain though...

Now that i think of it, Q is the most neglected alphabet i nthe english lexicon! No wonder its at the corner.....

ps: this is turning out to be a post of its own...

Anonymous said...

Actually you just gave me an idea. What if I pour coffee on my desk? It will smell like coffee and I love that smell. But then you claim it starts stinking.

Maybe I should just sprinkle some coffee powder all over my desk.

-Ok

Nandini Vishwanath said...

LOL! I do that too, all the time. There is not a single time in my life when I've made kaapi at home and don't spill it. However, not outside home :P

gradwolf said...

Sigh! Why is this country full of coffee lovers! Yeah, this is a syndrome I've heard from many people.

Kaiya vechundu summa irukka mudiyadhu :p

Priya Iyer said...

:) nice nice. enjoyed reading about it. only you can describe a simple kaapi-kotting episode so beautifully... do let us know what happened afterwards..

Idling in Top Gear said...

Lol, Early one morning(during my second week at work), I cracked my laptop screen by closing it over my bluetooth mouse! Suffice it to say that I was sufficiently alert for the rest of the week!

Preeti said...

Hello Mr.Arun, when u mean free trip, does it include tickets from Chennai to the US?

sk said...

Hahahahha :--) Good one!!
I have jelly fingers too, drop anything I hold.
I am always three times more careful, else I do what you did,.. even when not in the t-zone :--)

Friendly Stranger said...

Great!
Hilarious!
I didn't really want to be amongst first 10 customers but I couldn't resist myself from commenting!
You have narrated a simple looking experience so beautifully that you deserve a clap!
Well done dude!

Jegu said...

You are having a good born quality to write a blog like this. May be you can ask your mom and write one more post about what did you say when you poured chuttny or water...

Arun Sundar said...

Gayatri,
Variyaa??

Max,
I once poured oil in my friend's laptop. As he was worrying and desparately trying to do something, I was googling 'what do I do if I pour oil on computer keyboard". No useful results though. Like you, he ended up struggling with 'need-to-stand-on-some-keys' problem for sometime.

Ok,
Use coffee spray instead of deo.

Nandini,
Atleast you spill while making. I belong to a different class. The talent is kottifying something even before you know how it all happened.

Arun Sundar said...

Gradwolf,
Last line of your comment made me laugh a lot dude! I was even thinking about it a little later and I laugh again. You sounded very much like my dad there!!

Priya,
Thanks. Now the latest strategy is I invite people whom I dont like at work and while we talk something in my desk, I drop my pen or paper down and make it seem like an accidental act, waiting for them to help. I know if they bend down, the kaapi would take care of the rest. You should see their face while they get up. Worth a million dollars!!

Idling in Top Gear,
(What are idling in the top gear for?) You cracked the screen? Using a mouse? You wont beleive - but I feel like seeing myself in you :)

Arun Sundar said...

Preeti,
Lets not bother about it. I'll make sure I'll get some stained smelling piece of kaapi carpet when I board the flight tomorrow. Come to Anna Int'l on sunday and collect it :)

SK,
I normally drop my mobile a 100 times a day. My current phone is a little lucky - it's not slipping that much. Dont know why. Its spoiling what I am.

Friendly Stranger,
Oh, am flattered!! Thanks :)

Jegu,
I didnt do much after I poured chutney in restaurants. My dad picked up fights defending me. Maybe then, I was contemplating whether to trip the sambar cup next.

Kavitha said...

oru kaapi k pinnadi ivlo kathaiya?
nee antha kaapi ya desk la kotnathukku badhila un mela kotti irrundha clean panna romba easy irrundhirukum..:)

rantravereflect said...

heee 'under ya desk' adventures!!!
talk some more, i find it interesting!!;);)
n yehhh i guess a lotta peopel can show ya something stronger than wine n coffee 'under the desk' man!!;);)

heeeee...
20-min-zone.. heeeeee... the way ya've written it, it ademe crack up in the sides, jus imagining a zombie moving about aimlessly in teh morning, spilling the after-shave, teh shampoo, the coffee n all on the way.. heeeeee :)

when my bro was lil', my dad carried him into teh bath-tub, every-single-day, n shhowered him while he slept thru it unflinchingly!!


n abt the concall, i'm a tiny0bee in my office, soooo there's no-one who's know me, let alone my name, so i sleep through it all.. yaaaay

Preeti said...

Sunday yaaay! I was just about to come here and ask u...If 22nd was still on :) And hey, kuduka dan kudukra, stained carpet aa? Thu! :P

Pspot said...

Your blog has been listed in Pathivuspot
And please tell me some more Taminglish Blogs to add this Taminglish aggregator. Thanks.

Absconding said...

Ohhh...clumsy you!! :D

If you have incidents like these everyday...there won't be a need of caffeine...I'm pretty sure that the 20 minutes (or 200 minutes) zone will be shortened tremendously! :D

I'm rooting for a caffeine free world!!!

Prashanth said...

And the offshore can go up to the extent of calling you at a time even the slain opt to rest and ask "Are you sleeping?". The best part is we would say "Yes..but no issues.." and the they would have hung up when we finished "Yes.." with a big sorry!

So they wake me up and then don't ask the question.

Arun Sundar said...

Kavitha,
I wish. I wasted that large kaapi.

Rantravereflect,
lol at your li'l bro. Reminds me of my childhood..once like this, I was...never mind.

Preeti,
Thu wonly! My excitement is increasing exponentially every minute.

pspot,
oho.

Absconding,
I cant kottify kaapi daily. Hail caffeine!

Prashanth,
he hee... offshore onsite model illana life would be boring!!

Hari Vishnu said...

lol lol :-)..

u have me laughin all over the floor.. almost spilling my own kaapi here :-)..

btw a coffee-flavored cubicle shudnt be so bad after all.. u could actually paint ur cube brown to give the feel of the theme u know.. apart from that the rest of the electronics is flavored anyways :-)..

Vijay Kumar said...

Maybe there is a deep-rooted connection between Konference Kalls and being a Klutz. The chutney incident might just be a coincidence. My hunch is that it is the Konference Kall. Avoid the same (even more than usual).

Priya said...

he he he...

isnt the ones that you get in the cafeteria 'coffee' and the ones you get in your mom's kitchen 'kappi'? ! :)

lonestar said...

I read this post yesterday. I felt too lazy to comment anything. And today I emptied my can of coke all over my desk and keyboard and printouts:(
Please forgive me and remove the curse!! I'll always comment from now on :(

Arun Sundar said...

Hari,
You have an artistic perspective :)

Vijay,
Agree with u totally! Skipping the conf call - that might affect the pay stub ;)

Priya,
Anything that has caffeine, a little bitter and gives one a 'high', I call it kaapi. Calling coffee 'kaapi' itself gives me a high ;)

lonestar,
We should take a movie 'Lonestar and coke : Curse of the Kaapi' :)